I suspect I might be blogging a lil’ more than just regularly now because I have so much time on hand. X told me she enjoys reading this space & she could actually infer from my choice of music & pictures what mood I am in ‘n hence obtain an inkling of what goes on in my life (or something like that anyway). That surprised me because I thought my random postings were rather meaningless (at least to others) for they are simply recordings of things I come across each day.
Back to topic, I have been thinking to myself a lot these days. I might even go silent for a long period of time suddenly & that’s ’cause I’m thinking. I think about everything & anything. I don’t think that’s quite normal but I think anyway & I can’t seem to get thinking outta my head.
I think about the future. I think of how certain I was ’bout it perhaps three years ago but now it’s no longer so. It seems that as you grow older, your courage wanes & you no longer dream big. You dream small. And then you dream practical. And then, even later, you stop dreaming altogether.
It’s sad, isn’t it? I was just thinking about how great it’ll be to get back that certainty I had years ago. I was so sure of everything & now I’m so unsure of everything. I might be going around in circles here but alas(!), even this I am not so sure anymore (o’ the irony). I think you get my point.
I am terribly apprehensive ’bout the future. Or specifically, the year to come because in that year, (even more specifically) May/June, I’ll be graduating. This is where the problem arises. Graduation itself brings a huge bout of ambiguity regarding my future, mostly personal though.
I don’t know where to begin with this, yet I think I might as well end it here. It just struck me on how fluid this entire universe is. Every step you take, every move you make is essentially a decision that changes your life forever, no matter how trivial. And everyone, everything is in such constant motion that every second, gazillions (probably just indeterminate) of decisions are being made & that, in fact, determines what would happen the next second. Amazing & scary at the same time, no?
That point made, I’ll be needing some sleep now. Gotta put these thoughts to a halt or they’ll be keeping me up all night, these haphazard jumbly medley of words.
Nights, universe. x